Dear Judgmental Mind,
You have been knocking on my skull a whole hell of a lot lately. Like way more than usual. I have been feebly attempting to compile a character/impression reel and you keep tearing me down. Look, I know we all have you in our brains and you love to spread across our bodies like Cancer. First in our heads, then our shoulders, through our chest (past our fragile hearts) and eventually all the way down to our little toes.
Stop telling me that I'm not good enough or that everyone else thinks I'm not good enough. I am good enough and everyone else's opinions of me don't matter. I am a strong force, a flurry of skill and I have the power to control you. I just need to figure out how.
Also, I could use a good lay.
Love,
Feud
Monday, March 14, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
2011 Checklist
I used to think resolutions were trite. Very little seems trite to me anymore, though; just about everything seems important in some way or another. That being said here are my resolutions for this beautiful year:
-FINISH MY SCREENPLAY
-COMPILE AN SNL REEL
-GET MY BAND "THE BIG O's" GOING
-MEDITATE MORE
-KEEP WRITING SONGS
-FEAR LESS
-OPEN MYSELF TO FALLING IN LOVE
That about does it. Here we go, 2011...
-FINISH MY SCREENPLAY
-COMPILE AN SNL REEL
-GET MY BAND "THE BIG O's" GOING
-MEDITATE MORE
-KEEP WRITING SONGS
-FEAR LESS
-OPEN MYSELF TO FALLING IN LOVE
That about does it. Here we go, 2011...
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Christmas Gift To My Mom & Dad
G Gaug
What were you thinking
When you held me the first time
Did you wonder who I’d become
In your minds
What did it feel like
To stare into my little eyes
Is it crazy to think
How the years have flown by
I hope you realize
The amazing job you did
All your hard work
Paid beautiful dividends
You made two successes
Which makes you successes yourselves
It was no easy feat
But you did so well
(Chorus)
Amin E B7 C (2nd time C----C7)
I’m so lucky
For you both
Grateful for everything
I want you to know
All the sleep that you lost
When I tested your power
From late night cryin’ in my crib
To coming home at all hours
I’m sorry for all the times
Didn’t reach my potential
Your tireless support
Made my failures inconsequential
I’ve seen so many friends
Stop believing in their abilities
I rarely get down on myself
Cause I know you two are there for me
I know I’m oozing sweetness
Please don’t be tart
'Cause I wrote this song for you
A love letter from my heart
(Chorus)
You were there…
When I lost eight teeth
When I fell in the street
When I flunked out of math
When I decided to act
When I cried every day
When I lost my way
When Liam got mints
Through my dress up stints
When I faked being sick
When I was down in the pits
When I wouldn’t come home
Cause I felt so alone
Through Bar Mitzvahs and sports
With love and support
Other parents were not
When I acted like a snot
When I ran 26 miles
With great big smiles
When I was hurt
And I’m glad that you were
Friday, December 17, 2010
No Use Being The Sad Man
Regretting and regressing
All the would have, could have
and you can't help but stressing
All the things you should have
Missing a life
That no longer exists
Trying to perk up
But the longing persists
There's a purpose
To all that controls us
So it's silly to let
Unhappiness hold us
Life is so sweet
In Sunny LA
But sometimes it's grey
And you melt in the rain
It's important to notice
Your habits that bind you
Because then it gets easier
For contentment to find you.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
What I Do Best: Make People Laugh and Write Weepy Love Songs
Lost in the fray, oh we were lost in the fray
I can barely remember the image of your face
And if you can find it in your heart to simply stay away
Perhaps we can be close friends someday
Pick yourself up
Treat yourself right
Make yourself happy
Ask yourself why
The choices you’re making
Are making you cry
What business is it of mine
What business is it of mine
I can barely remember the image of your face
And if you can find it in your heart to simply stay away
Perhaps we can be close friends someday
Pick yourself up
Treat yourself right
Make yourself happy
Ask yourself why
The choices you’re making
Are making you cry
What business is it of mine
What business is it of mine
I’m just an old lover-turned-ghost
I’m just an old lover-turned-ghost from your life
Lost in the fray, I am lost in the fray
I can barely remember my name
It’s turning into one of those days
I can’t seem to walk away
Pick myself up
Go for a run
Hoping to burn off
All she has done
Sings like an angel
But shoots like a gun
Wish she would melt from my brain
Oh I wish she could melt from my brain
I’m just an old lover-turned-ghost
I’m just an old lover-turned-ghost
I’m just a raggedy old lover-turned-ghost from your life
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Other Side
Before you cringe, relax, this is not an account of my experiences with the afterlife. I am no John Edward, thank you very much. I was just thinking about my entries thus far and realized that I paint a rather one-sided portrayal of my life sometimes. Life is good, this much is true. I feel blessed to wake up every day and be me. I know you can "fill in the blanks" yourselves and assume that I am a human being and my life isn't all sugar-top mountains and cotton candy clouds. I bleed. I hurt. I suffer.
My incessant positivity is still a newly founded thing in my life. I've decided, as a way of exploring my complete being, to share things that I still need to work on. While I refuse to feel shame for my "shortcomings," I know that there's always room for growth. That will never not be a necessity in my life (read: alliteration). I also feel like this will be a helpful exercise for those who are inspired by positivity, but feel like they cannot achieve it in their own lives because of their supposed "flaws." We all have them and here are some of my more important ones:
1. Feeling Attractive: I still struggle with this at times. I was driving home last night, post-Thanksgiving feast, and I was thinking about this subject in regards to men. I've noticed in recent years that more and more men struggle with body image issues than they used to. The pressures of society, while nothing even remotely close to the pressure put on women, have increased around the board. I've also been house-ridden for most the past few weeks and I've not been dealing well with so much inactivity. My activity this past year has contributed to my feeling sexier and I need to continue on that route. I know I'm a stud.
2. Judging Others Harshly: I pride myself on getting a good sense of someone upon first meeting them. Maybe that's my first mistake...I am quick to judge someone, if not by their cover then by the first chapter. Everyone has their own shit going on. No one is just "mean" or "rude." A wise teacher once explained that many of the things we dislike about others are often the things we dislike about ourselves. I see a lot of truth in that statement. At the very least judging people is an unnecessary routine and I need to cut it out of my life.
3. I'm Overly Sensitive: Since I was a little boy I've heard the phrase "he's so sensitive" about a million times. This is because it's true. There are pros and cons to being so sensitive. I find that it's always helped my acting and my appreciation for dramatic films/theatre. It's much easier to access your emotions when you're sensitive. When I was younger I was a certified cry baby and I've spent a great deal of effort since age 12 to not be. The tears may have dried up, but in their place now exists my penchant for defensiveness. I get defensive about everything, whether it be my driving, my friends, my life choices. I need to let my pride blow away in the wind and laugh at myself more. I need to laugh more, in general.
4. I Worry About Money: Worry, in any form, is pointless. I don't think I have to expand on that much. All worry accomplishes is more worry and no one needs that in their lives. Either something goes one way or it goes another. Your stress doesn't catapult it one inch in either direction.
5. Comparing Myself To Others : There is no reason no EVER compare yourself to anyone. You have to try your best to embrace everything that makes you so darn great. There would be so much lost in the Universe if you were to accomplish the impossible feat of becoming someone else. Yes, maybe there is someone doing something that you wish you could be doing. That guy is really good at that. She's amazing at this. But, surely, there is someone out there who is saying that about you. This is not just some hippy dippy, Montessori propaganda. You truly are a unique soul with a unique energy and spirit. It is important for me to continue feeling that way about myself. I have so much to offer the world and so do you.
So that's that. The big stuff I continue to work on. I take another step forward in my journey. I hope you'll keep walking alongside me.
My incessant positivity is still a newly founded thing in my life. I've decided, as a way of exploring my complete being, to share things that I still need to work on. While I refuse to feel shame for my "shortcomings," I know that there's always room for growth. That will never not be a necessity in my life (read: alliteration). I also feel like this will be a helpful exercise for those who are inspired by positivity, but feel like they cannot achieve it in their own lives because of their supposed "flaws." We all have them and here are some of my more important ones:
1. Feeling Attractive: I still struggle with this at times. I was driving home last night, post-Thanksgiving feast, and I was thinking about this subject in regards to men. I've noticed in recent years that more and more men struggle with body image issues than they used to. The pressures of society, while nothing even remotely close to the pressure put on women, have increased around the board. I've also been house-ridden for most the past few weeks and I've not been dealing well with so much inactivity. My activity this past year has contributed to my feeling sexier and I need to continue on that route. I know I'm a stud.
2. Judging Others Harshly: I pride myself on getting a good sense of someone upon first meeting them. Maybe that's my first mistake...I am quick to judge someone, if not by their cover then by the first chapter. Everyone has their own shit going on. No one is just "mean" or "rude." A wise teacher once explained that many of the things we dislike about others are often the things we dislike about ourselves. I see a lot of truth in that statement. At the very least judging people is an unnecessary routine and I need to cut it out of my life.
3. I'm Overly Sensitive: Since I was a little boy I've heard the phrase "he's so sensitive" about a million times. This is because it's true. There are pros and cons to being so sensitive. I find that it's always helped my acting and my appreciation for dramatic films/theatre. It's much easier to access your emotions when you're sensitive. When I was younger I was a certified cry baby and I've spent a great deal of effort since age 12 to not be. The tears may have dried up, but in their place now exists my penchant for defensiveness. I get defensive about everything, whether it be my driving, my friends, my life choices. I need to let my pride blow away in the wind and laugh at myself more. I need to laugh more, in general.
4. I Worry About Money: Worry, in any form, is pointless. I don't think I have to expand on that much. All worry accomplishes is more worry and no one needs that in their lives. Either something goes one way or it goes another. Your stress doesn't catapult it one inch in either direction.
5. Comparing Myself To Others : There is no reason no EVER compare yourself to anyone. You have to try your best to embrace everything that makes you so darn great. There would be so much lost in the Universe if you were to accomplish the impossible feat of becoming someone else. Yes, maybe there is someone doing something that you wish you could be doing. That guy is really good at that. She's amazing at this. But, surely, there is someone out there who is saying that about you. This is not just some hippy dippy, Montessori propaganda. You truly are a unique soul with a unique energy and spirit. It is important for me to continue feeling that way about myself. I have so much to offer the world and so do you.
So that's that. The big stuff I continue to work on. I take another step forward in my journey. I hope you'll keep walking alongside me.
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