Monday, July 18, 2011

(Updated) Future Life Partner Checklist

A little over a year ago I made a list of the requirements that must be met by my future Lover-4-Lyfe.  Here is an updated version of that list.

Lover Requirements:

-UP FOR ADVENTURES- Can't hang with potheads who just chill all the time anymore.  That was cool in college, but you need to have a lust for life.  We need to be able to take spontaneous road trips, have 4 hour dinners,  go hiking/running, and on and on...

-COMEDIAN'S SENSE OF HUMOR, POET'S HEART-You better like to laugh because I need someone who's going to feel my jokes.  Also, we have to be able to crack up at silly things together.  On the other side, you've gots to be sensitive enough, girl.  I need to be with someone who isn't embarrassed to fully feel their experiences.  We have to be able to cry together as much as laugh together.

-SPIRITUALITY-I believe, whole-heartedly, in the workings on The Universe and I can't hang with someone who thinks everything is random and meaningless.  *Sidenote: "I Heart Huckabees" must be a movie you connect deeply to.  Like for real.

-STRONG, BUT NOT TOO SERIOUS-I'm looking for a real tough cookie, a woman who fully owns who they are.  We all have our insecurities, but you gotta be a strong, confident woman.  In my book toughness is just as hot as musicality.  You shouldn't let anyone push you around.  Feel free to push me around a little bit from time to time, though.

-CREATIVE/ARTISTIC-Whether you play or sing, if you're musical I'm already turned on.  We need to be able to jam together.  Also there's nothing more seductive than a woman who plays music.  If not it's not the end of the world.  If you're an incredible photographer, painter, writer, actor, director...big points.  Artists of all kinds are welcome, especially if we could possibly collaborate on stuff.  Nothing cooler than a couple of lovers who can make stuff together.  

-SPORTS CAN'T BE A DRAG-I will respect you if you don't care for them, but spare me the shrugs and sighs if I want to watch/go to a sporting event.  Sports (especially Basketball) are important to me.  Show some respect.  Also, don't force it by "pretending" to like Sports just to appease me.  I see right through that shit, girl.

-RESPECT SPACE/INDEPENDENCE-If I need some alone time you must respect this.  I will absolutely do the same for you.  In order to be a successful couple folks need to hang on to their individual identities.  The more you become a "blob" of a partnership, the more boring things often get.  I want to go to Barcelona on my own, you want to take a train across the country solo and write...this needs to be okay.  Co-dependent or dependent relationships are unhealthy.  We need to make sure to appreciate our bond without being completely reliant on it for happiness.  It's a partnership, not a crutch.

-DANCE-You MUST enjoy dancing.  The measuring point for me to test whether or not someone is cool is if they dance with feeling.  Even if you aren't the best dancer you need to move with passion.  Feeling is incredibly important to me.

-SEX-No prudes please.  Now, I'm not looking for the slut of the century here, just someone who knows how to move.  If you can dance with feeling you can probably make love with passion.  A lot of guys are happy to have sex with someone because they have a "great body" or they're simply trying to get off.  Sex is only fun for me if it's passionate between both parties.  Gotta know how to work it and enjoy it fully.

-ACCEPTANCE-I am who I am.  In the past I've heard a lot of people talk about how you have to change yourself even if it's ever so slightly to make a relationship work.  I'd like to think that doesn't have to be the case.  If I'm not being respectful that's one thing, but don't make me change the way I wash myself or what shirt I wear or how I chew my food.  If you love me then you have to love me for who I am.  I promise to do the same for you.

- MUSIC (SOUL/FUNK)-Taste in music is extremely important.  You MUST have a love for Soul Music.  Soul has been described as "the music of the heart" and I agree.  If you love Soul Music you probably have a deep connection to your heart, which I value to no end.  This relates back to dancing, as well, because we'll need to be tearing it up to some Soul (and Funk) quite often.  As long as you have a generally good taste in music, no matter the genre, we can still talk.

-THANKFULNESS/OPTIMISM-No Complainers, please.  I need to be with someone who appreciates everything they have in life, things big and small.  Life is only as beautiful as you make it and I can't possibly share my life with someone with a toxic outlook.

-BE RESPECTFUL OF OUR WORLD-So you don't have to go to protests every weekend, but I need to be someone who cares about our social and physical environments.  Intelligence and kindness matter.  No need to be pretentious or braggy about this stuff, just make sure it's vital to your life.

-MOTIVATION-You have to be a generally driven person.  I don't want to come home and find you on the couch watching Mob Wives all day.  A go-getter is my kind of woman, someone who's creating a life for themselves instead of sitting around and waiting for one.

-SELF-IMPROVEMENT-We can always become a better version of ourselves.  I need to share my time with a lover that knows this.  You must continue to be self-aware and try to live up to your full potential.  I know I mentioned accepting each other for who we are, but this is different.  If there is a bad pattern in your life or a portion of your behavior that's limiting you, then it should be dealt with.  Life is one long learning experience and you gotta feel me on that. know anyone who fulfills these requirments?

Thursday, July 14, 2011


She loved me
Like I love LA
Like LA loves burgers
Like burgers love buns
Like buns love ketchup
Like ketchup loves bottles
Like bottles love messages
Like messages love people
Like people love her.