Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Futerlovesickernick (Warning: Mopey Blog Post)

Jesus, It says I haven't updated this blog since July.  I started this blogspot to write longer form, serious, non-Basketball, non Cat-related posts.  Well here goes...

I'm someone who bounces through phases of wanting a partner and not wanting a partner.  I usually end up concluding that I'd rather wake up every day and do whatever I please, rather than balancing my schedule around my companion's.  My late 20's have all been spent as a bachelor and I'm a creature of comfort.  For the most part this lifestyle pleases me, but, lately, this hasn't been the case.  I've been crying at random times for what appears to be no good reason.  I feel like Carmela Soprano in this episode of The Sopranos when she starts sobbing during a dog food commercial.  I've thrown records on and sat in silence, brooding.  I've even started an ok cupid account, which makes me feel very slimy and uncomfortable.  But, of course, our emotions don't just appear out of the ether and all signs point to a heavy heart.  I suppose it's no accident that this is coinciding with Valentine's Day.

I write songs sometimes and they're almost always motivated by love.  Now my entire life seems to be heading in this same direction.  I'm currently writing this, listening to Sufjan Stevens and that sort of says it all.  My biggest issue at the moment is that I simply haven't known what to do with myself.  A long time ago I would've sat around and sulked, but now I have to just pour these emotions into all the other areas of my life: my work, my friends, my cats (sorry I know I said there wouldn't be any cat-related stuff here, but they're SO CUTE).  Seriously, though, on this day I make a vow to myself to not get weighed down by this old heart of mine and, instead I vow to raise it up above my head and use it to my benefit.

Happy Valentine's Day.