Before you cringe, relax, this is not an account of my experiences with the afterlife. I am no John Edward, thank you very much. I was just thinking about my entries thus far and realized that I paint a rather one-sided portrayal of my life sometimes. Life is good, this much is true. I feel blessed to wake up every day and be me. I know you can "fill in the blanks" yourselves and assume that I am a human being and my life isn't all sugar-top mountains and cotton candy clouds. I bleed. I hurt. I suffer.
My incessant positivity is still a newly founded thing in my life. I've decided, as a way of exploring my complete being, to share things that I still need to work on. While I refuse to feel shame for my "shortcomings," I know that there's always room for growth. That will never not be a necessity in my life (read: alliteration). I also feel like this will be a helpful exercise for those who are inspired by positivity, but feel like they cannot achieve it in their own lives because of their supposed "flaws." We all have them and here are some of my more important ones:
1. Feeling Attractive: I still struggle with this at times. I was driving home last night, post-Thanksgiving feast, and I was thinking about this subject in regards to men. I've noticed in recent years that more and more men struggle with body image issues than they used to. The pressures of society, while nothing even remotely close to the pressure put on women, have increased around the board. I've also been house-ridden for most the past few weeks and I've not been dealing well with so much inactivity. My activity this past year has contributed to my feeling sexier and I need to continue on that route. I know I'm a stud.
2. Judging Others Harshly: I pride myself on getting a good sense of someone upon first meeting them. Maybe that's my first mistake...I am quick to judge someone, if not by their cover then by the first chapter. Everyone has their own shit going on. No one is just "mean" or "rude." A wise teacher once explained that many of the things we dislike about others are often the things we dislike about ourselves. I see a lot of truth in that statement. At the very least judging people is an unnecessary routine and I need to cut it out of my life.
3. I'm Overly Sensitive: Since I was a little boy I've heard the phrase "he's so sensitive" about a million times. This is because it's true. There are pros and cons to being so sensitive. I find that it's always helped my acting and my appreciation for dramatic films/theatre. It's much easier to access your emotions when you're sensitive. When I was younger I was a certified cry baby and I've spent a great deal of effort since age 12 to not be. The tears may have dried up, but in their place now exists my penchant for defensiveness. I get defensive about everything, whether it be my driving, my friends, my life choices. I need to let my pride blow away in the wind and laugh at myself more. I need to laugh more, in general.
4. I Worry About Money: Worry, in any form, is pointless. I don't think I have to expand on that much. All worry accomplishes is more worry and no one needs that in their lives. Either something goes one way or it goes another. Your stress doesn't catapult it one inch in either direction.
5. Comparing Myself To Others : There is no reason no EVER compare yourself to anyone. You have to try your best to embrace everything that makes you so darn great. There would be so much lost in the Universe if you were to accomplish the impossible feat of becoming someone else. Yes, maybe there is someone doing something that you wish you could be doing. That guy is really good at that. She's amazing at this. But, surely, there is someone out there who is saying that about you. This is not just some hippy dippy, Montessori propaganda. You truly are a unique soul with a unique energy and spirit. It is important for me to continue feeling that way about myself. I have so much to offer the world and so do you.
So that's that. The big stuff I continue to work on. I take another step forward in my journey. I hope you'll keep walking alongside me.
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